I just remembered why I dont like running.

During my first week of running I started having some mild shin splints. Nothing major, just some minor pain and aches Well, they have reared their hateful, painful little heads. Today's running training was to be 6 intervals of 90 seconds of running, with 2 minutes of walking in between. I was also in need of a 3 mile walk for the 3-day training. I decided to just put the two together, and finish up the runs with a little extra walking.......I made it through the runs, while they were each increasingly painful, I managed to finish them. I then finished my cool-down walk, and started up on my last mile of walking. And then things started to fall apart. It hurt, a lot, a whole whole whole lot. Despite this I kept telling myself I could make it. It was only 1 mile, and I could certainly finish up 1 silly little mile. Then, up in the distance I see someone walking, only the longer I watch him, the more I realise he isn't walking but staggering, and stopping, and staggering, oh yes, and Mr. McDrunkpants didn't have on any shoes. I then decide that I do NOT want to pass this man, and slow up a bit hoping he will go down a side street, and away from my path. only he does not, and I am still quickly gaining on him. Unfortunately slowing my pace has giving my shin time to scream at me. I start to think their are evil little men dancing on the nerve endings in my shin, and surely they are wearing spiked shoes. I have to turn early down my street and head for home. I am too afraid to pass sir drinksalot, and the pain is now so intense I am ready to sit down in the middle of the street and cry. So now I sit here, with you, my bloggy friends, and two bags of frozen veggies for the next 10 minutes. I am so disappointed. I want more than anything to be able to prove to myself that I can do this 5k in October, and I do understand that it is still a ways away, but if the pain continues with such intensity, I don't know if I will be able to run. And this my friends makes me very very very sad. I haven't given up yet, but things better improve.

I've done a crazy crazy thing......

I have two very healthy, very fit friends Kate and Michele, who are committed to distance events like triathlons, the 3-day, and running events. They have been a huge part of keeping me motivated to continue with my training. My team captain for the 3-day decided she wanted to sign up for a marathon in February of next year, and pretty much talked me into the half-marathon. Before that though, there is a 5k in Jacksonville beach. In my mind a 5k is a good place to start. Now I know many of you think 5k, that's only 3.1 miles! My issue is, I don't run. I don't like it, it hurts, my lungs burn, my legs burn, my feet hurt in short, i think running sucks! But somewhere in my mind I keep saying why not. Start small, surely you can run for a minute. Build on that, one tiny second at a time. I am just now starting my second week of running, and even though I still don't like it so much. It is something I want to prove to that self-doubting voice that has lived in my head for so many years, that I CAN. My one minute of running, is now two, and next week 3. Slowly but surely I will build my bridge. Maybe when I am fit, and no longer lugging around an extra 90 pounds I'll compete in a triathlon with Kate. I can't say never anymore! And to think it all started with a little walk. OK so 60 miles isn't a little walk, but I remember months ago when a 3 mile walk was pure torture. Now a 7 mile walk is nothing to me. If only those stupid blisters would quit rearing their ugly little heads!!!

Interview!

I was recently interviewed for mandy's blog, check it, and her out here....

Two Roads

Two Roads diverged in a yellow wood,

And sorry I could not travel both

And be one traveler, long I stood

And looked down one as far as I could

To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Why would you walk 60 miles in 3 days? Why would you give up your own free time to raise $2300? Why would to sacrifice your time, money, and energy? Because I have to travel this road.

My sister was everything. I found myself through her. She was an amazing scholar, writer, and strong beautiful woman. Fate, and cancer stole her away from me.

I can clearly remember the day she called to tell me she had cancer. Devastated is not nearly a strong enough word to explain how I felt. In my family, cancer is a death sentence. My uncle died of leukemia less than a month after his diagnosis. My father died of lung cancer, after a long, painful battle. And now, now my healthy beautiful sister was calling me from 1000 miles away to tell me she had sarcoma. I did not dare tell her how afraid I was. The pain I felt knowing she was going to have to call each of my family members and tell them she had cancer sucked the very breath out of my chest. I WOULD NOT CRY to her. She did not need my tears; she had enough of her own. I knew at that very moment she was going to be lost to me forever. Everyone I knew tried to convince me to be positive, and I tried to be. By all outward appearances it looked as though I felt she would overcome this, all the while there was a burning pit in my stomach that nagged at me, and told me otherwise. I was positive for her, knowing that being in a hopeful, healthy environment would improve her chances.

My sister, being the Bolshevik that she was, named her tumor Fred. We hated Fred. Drop dead Fred. They biopsied Fred, they cut Fred out in an operation that would ravage my poor sister’s arm. But Fred left Fredlettes. Fred had moved his rebel colony to her lungs. Not good. Not good at all. Yet, somehow, she still faced this with poise, grace, and an amazingly strong will and determination. She would get the Fredlettes too. The doctors tried to eliminate the hateful things. Chemo, radiation, painful surgery to cut out parts of her lung. But there were just too many, and they grew too fast. No amount of toxic cocktails, and slices with a knife would kill Fred or his minions.

My sister STILL did not feel sorry for herself, nor did she want anyone’s pity. She was so grateful just to have every day, no matter if it was a bad day full of pain, or a good one watching the Kentucky Derby with me all decked out in derby hats.

Over 2 years Fred did his damage, until finally on December 14, 2008 at the young age of 32 she flew up to heaven on the wings of angels. My rock was gone. I suddenly did not know who I was. I stood alone, and afraid to move forward. All of my life stopped. I was suddenly living in limbo. For many years I had contemplated the Breast Cancer 3-Day. And many times, I walked the other way.

I do not remember how I found out the actual date of the event in 2009. But there it was, the last day, November 1. Screaming at me. The last day of the walk in 2009 was my sister’s wedding anniversary. But, not only was the walk on her anniversary, she lived in Tampa for many years.

So there I stood, at a fork in the road, waiting, in limbo. When suddenly, fate dropped this gem in my lap. I knew it was a sign. Some higher power was at work, telling me that the path forward was right there staring me in the face. I could not walk away this time.

Many people do not understand my motive. “Your sister had sarcoma not breast cancer, why are you walking for breast cancer?” Cancer is cancer folks. It sucks, it hurts, it kills, and it takes families and rips them down. If by raising $2300 and walking 60 miles would save one single family from this fate, it would be worth it. This is not to say that facing this road did not scare the holy hell out of me. My initial thought was "I will never be able to raise that much money". I will never be able to walk 60 miles. But one baby step at a time I am traveling that road. Sometimes faltering, and even falling. But at each stumble and step I know my sister is right there beside me, doing what a big sister does best. She has given me courage, determination, and most of all hope. It is no surprise to me that her middle name is Hope. I have raised above and beyond the minimum, and though a few months ago walking 3 miles seemed impossible, I am not walking 7 miles back to back two days a week.

I met an amazing team captain, which could very well be my long lost twin. She graciously changed our team name to Walking for Hope. That small simple gesture was one I cannot thank her enough for, or every show her just how much it meant to me. Where my sister has given me silent support, Michele has held my hand, and kept me motivated, when I was ready to quit. She has praised me, and encouraged me. In only a few weeks she became the best friend I have ever had. I could never repay her for all the light she has brought into the darkness that my life became when I lost my sister. She has taken up some of that empty space left in my heart when my sister left. Of course there will always be a hole where she was, but Michele has filled some of that gap quite nicely. There are others too that have taken up residence in that pit in my heart. Kate, who also inspires me to keep walking, and warms my soul like no one else. And of course Liz, who was able to be there for my sister when distance kept me from her. She held Angie's hand, and did all of the things I would have done had I been able to. I may have lost my sister, but I seem to have gained 3 more in the end.

I walk because it eases my pain. I walk because it brings me closer to what I have left of my sister. I walk because I hate cancer. I walk, because standing there in limbo for the rest of my life is not an option. We must all move forward at some point in our lives, and if we really listen, and look closely we will discover what it is that is nudging us every so gently forward.

I shall be telling this with a sigh

Somewhere ages and ages hence:

Two roads diverged in a wood, and I-

I took the one less traveled by,

And that has made all the difference.

~Robert Frost~

my cool surprise

So this is where I went.....

And this is why I went.....

I bought this, and then got a ticket and stood in line for 2 hours.....

To meet her!!!!! (yea that is my large backside I am so generously sharing with you)

This was my reward!!!!! Now how cool is that!!!!! I think Kate and her family are awesome. Yes, sometimes Kate can be a bit anal and bossy, but it is truly out of love. Her book is fantastic, and it shows a side of her that we don't see as much of on TV. Also TLC was recording and I may just end up being on the show!!!!! How cool is that!!!!!!!! I hope hope hope they use some footae with me in it!!!

chickens!

The other night I asked Monkey in passing if we could get a chicken. (if you don't already know my kitchen is overtaken by chicken decor, seriously it's gotten a bit out of hand) I did not imagine in my wildest dreams that he would actually agree, but to my utter amazement he said yes! Now we have to find plans for a suitable coop, and run, and I have to decide what type of chickens I want, and from where I will buy them! I discovered that one chicken would get lonely, so we will have to get two. Monkey still agreed! The man must really love me to bring home two more pets AND build me a chicken coop!!! I also have a surprise to share with you all from the other night, but it involves searching for the cord to my new camera, and downloading pictures. I've been staring at this computer screen however for 5 hours now studying, and I think it will just have to wait. Stay tuned though!!!!!!

Just a quick post to get in the groove.....

Sometimes I just don't know what to say. I think I have a bit of blogger's block. I feel a bit uninteresting most of the time....

Th 3-day journey is going well though. I am 57% of my $2300 goal. Yippie!!! I am so amazed at the generosity of people! So much unexpected support is sooo heartwarming. I think I needed to go through this journey partly just because I was loosing faith in the human race. I have been so pleasantly surprised!

Happy Birthday to me!!!

Today was my birthday! Nothing extra special, except for the fact that my mother made me the best gift I have EVER been given for ANY occasion. Mom and I have been making teddy bears to sell to raise funds for my walk. In the process of digging through our boxes of fabric we came across the extra scraps from my sisters' and my wedding dresses. Mom said something about using it to make bears to sell, and I was completely against that idea. There was no way I was going to give up that little piece of my sister. When I opened my gift from mom though, I was stunned. She had taken the scraps from our dresses, and made me two matching bears. There could have NEVER been a better gift. These bears mean so so so much to me. The timing, the fabric, the fact that I am doing all this work for the 3-day in memory of Angie. Just thinking about these bears brings a tear to my eye. Thanks mom, you took what I thought was the saddest birthday I have ever had, and given me a joy that I simply do not have the words to express. You are the best!

I want my damn sister

I'm in a funk again. Or maybe I never really left the one I was in. I want my damn sister. Liz, Kate and I have all been thinking about her. I was ready to post an epic comment when Liz bared her soul here, but I figured it would be better to just get it all out on my own blog. I am starting to believe that there is NOTHING that really makes the pain better. I dont get comfort, in the notion that my sister didn't die in vain, or even to serve some greater purpose. Not even God could save her. He did not do it to punish her, or us. He did not do it to teach us a lesson, he did not do it because I had done some sort of evil. He did not do it becasue she had done something evil. Not long before she passed I read the book "when bad things happen to good people" , and it really changed my life. While it does not give the awnsers of why, it explains why there really is no awnser at all. God created nature, and along with that came disease and illness, which sometimes proves fatal. He does not pick and choose who is affected. It is just not the way nature works. He does however cry with us. He is just as sad to see one of us suffer. Our faith would not be what it is if God initervend on behalf of the pure of heart. While I do not believe that he controls us, or intervenes in the laws of nature, I do believe that he presents us with opportunity. My sister could just have eaisly fallen to cancer. The last time I talked to her I was completly honest with her, and the fact that I found it hard to be as strong as she was. She asked me "if someone told you tommorow you were as sick as I am and that you were not going to live what would you do?" My awnser then was the same as it is now. I don't know. But that is ok. I don't ahve to know. I have to take each day, and do my best to be greatful. To apreciate that I even woke up that day. She was in so much pain, and still she managed to have an amazing poize, and grace. I am ashamed that I do not wake up like that every day. It is hard to be thankful for each day when each day is another day without her. Her birthday was hard, and I thought once it passed things would start to get better. But they just haven't. My heart hurts, no matter how hard I try to ignore, or supress or hide it. What is worse, is that I can forget that she is gone. Since she lived in Arkansas, and I live in Florida we didn't talk constantly. I cannot count the times where I have thought about calling her, and only then remember that she isn't there to call anymore. I just expect her to be there. It does not help that I keep having a recurring dream that she did not die. She was my best friend. When I needed advice, or wanted to hear someone tell me good job, or keep your chin up, she was there. Sure, there are lots of people who will do that for me, but it just isn't the same. I need that bond. I want to feel that comfortable with someone. I want to cry to someone without having to feel like I have to hold back. I cannot be that free with anyone right now. Monkey worries about me constantly, as does mom. I do not want to add to their worry with my tears. I just want to sit down with someone who will hold my hand and listen, and let my cry. Someone who will cry with me, and let me say the not so nice things that are eating me up without trying to explain them, or repremand me for it. I'm mad, i'm sad, i'm hurt, and I want my sister.

Mile 32!

I am now 32 miles into my training, and I think I may have actually conquered the stupid blisters! I took a little break to give my feet a chance to heal so I could really see if I had solved my blister problems. I had two 3 mile walks this week and I am so happy to say that I am blister free! My miracle seems to be a combo of large quantities of Vaseline, and these fantastic thorlos socks!




The have great padding at the toes and heels, but none in the middle where you don't really need it. I just hope that this wonder combo will continue to work when I am walking longer and longer distances. Unfortunately not all my pains are completely gone, because I seem to have developed some pain in the pads behind my big toes. I will have to do some investigating to see what this may be caused by and what I can do to remedy it. I probably need to invest in those $50 dollar insoles, but I am just feeling a little cheap at the moment. Fifty dollars is a lot of money for a little foam doo-dad. I suppose it is worth it though if it keeps me from pain. We'll have to see....

Moving forward....

The time is now.

I feel as though up until this point I have been in limbo. Since my sister's passing I have been waiting. Waiting for days, waiting for things to happen, waiting for signs, answers, clues. I don't know that I have been given all that I have been searching for, but I know that now is the time for me to start a new journey. This year is going to be a whirlwind of change. I know that the 3-day walk is going to change me. I hope to be able to change my eating and exercise habits in the process. I am looking forward to the emotionally and mental changes the walk will bring. Not one person whom I have spoken to about the walk has said that it was anything less than life-altering. Proudly, I am now for the first time in my life a real college student. I put off taking any sort of courses for years for fear that they would be wasted on me. I never could decide what I wanted to do when I grew up. I am now enrolled, and working on becoming a medical transcriptionist. I will be able to find a job where I can work from home on my own schedule. I am just not cut out for a 9 to 5. I don't do mornings, and I am becoming increasingly cynical towards society. To be blunt I am sick and tired of the stupidity of the public. I do not understand how people make it through life when they cannot understand the most simple of concepts. Also, in the next year or two John and I will be thinking about expanding our family, and this position will make raising children the way I always hoped for a reality. I am beginning to feel like an adult, and not just a child playing dress up. I have known for a long time that I am much more mature than most people my age, but I am only now accepting this, and allowing myself to embrace it. I have fought it for far too long, and was not comfortable in my own skin because of it. I am ready to start leaving my mark on this world. The time to start moving forward is right now. I leave you with this clip from the 3-day. I only hope it inspires YOU to leave your mark, in whatever way that may be.

No good very bad day

This is how we started our day.

Monkey meet the street. Thank God he ALWAYS wears jeans long sleeves and his helmet, or this could have ended in a trip to the ER. As it is, he is only suffering from a mildly bruised butt, and a VERY VERY bruised pride. Poor Monkey, he loves his motorcycle. It is/was his pride and joy. One of the few things in his life that he bought just for himself, for his own enjoyment. I am just so thankful that the only thing hurt was the bike. It can be fixed, a broken Monkey is much harder to repair.

Thank you all for your thoughts today, it made an incredibly hellacious day a little bit easier to swallow knowing that we were all on the same page. Hugs to you all!

Happy Birthday Angie.

Happy Birthday Angie.

I love you.

I miss your smile.

I miss your laugh.

I miss your way with words.

I miss your grace.

I miss your style.

I miss your hope,

your faith,

your love.

I miss the joy you brought to everyone who came into your life.

I miss the way you used to hiss at things you didn't like.

I miss your red pen moments.

I miss you dumping wet barbies on my bed in the mornings.

I miss watching movies with you.

I miss your gumbo, and your enchiladas.

I miss you singing silent night to me on Christmas eve.

I miss the great herbal remedies you had for me at a moments notice.

I miss your long beautiful hair that always smelled like flowers.

I miss your hugs.

I miss the love of my sister.

I miss every single thing about you, great or small.

I miss you.

It's time to hide

I am sorry I have sort of disappeared, and I apologize in advance for the coming week. You see my sweet sister Angela's 34th birthday will have been on the 18th next week, and I am finding it a bit difficult to face. I am still walking, and as soon as I am feeling a bit better I will definitely be back. I just need to go to ground (in the words of my own sister) until this passes. I love you all and will be back soon.

Not too much to say...

Sunday's walk was fairly uneventful. Probably just as nice as Saturday's though. It's amazing what some beautiful nature can do for the mood. I am about 90% sure that the blisters on my heels are on the mend finally. They don't seem to have gotten any bigger, and still aren't causing me any pain. I am a bit disappointed in my digital camera though, as it seems to have decided that it doesn't like sim cards and keeps having issues with them no matter what kind i try to use in it. I wanted to take some pictures on my walk by the celery fields, but my sassy little camera decided that it just wasn't going to happen. I am not a morning person, but I am going to have to do my 3 miles before work tomorrow as I am going to be a lipstick model tomorrow evening after work! lol! One of the ladies at the church is a Mary Kay rep, and she asked me and my good friends Michele and Dee to help her out. She said I would get some make-up out of the deal, and I think it will be a lot of fun, so why the heck not!!! Hopefully it won't be too dark in the morning, it makes me so nervous walking alone in the dark. I'm such a scaredy-cat!

Training week 1 day 4

Today's walk was simply fantastic. I don't yet know if the blisters got worse, because I covered them with 2nd skin bandages. I'm not quite sure what the difference today was, but I was just completely in tune. I walked down past the old celery fields, and got to see TONS of different kinds of birds. The weather was perfect, my feet were feeling great, there was great scenery. Once I hit my turn around point I felt so good that I decided to just keep going. I didn't want to push myself too much though, because I had forgotten my phone and had no way to call for help if I needed it. My goal tomorrow is to walk 6 miles. I am just amazed at how easily I have been able to adapt to all this walking. Last Sunday I struggled to complete a 3 mile walk, and today I was ready to push myself further than I had gone before. I feel like I really want to put myself to the test, and prove to myself that I can do ANYTHING I push myself to do. It has also done wonders for my mental health. Having an hour completely to myself every other day has be incredibly cathartic. I think about Angie a lot. I often feel like she is right there walking beside me cheering me on, telling my to take life by the reigns and go for it. I cannot imagine how I am going to feel in October when the walk is finally here. I want to thank you all again for your support and kind words. Knowing that you are all pulling for me and cheering me on is a great inspiration. I just hope that as this journey continues I find the fundraising as easy as the walking!

Training week 1 day 3

You guessed it, the blisters STILL have not subsided. I was happy to discover that the spot I thought was a blister between my toes is not actually a blister after all. Unfortunately I am still fighting the same two blisters on the insides of my heels. While they are not getting a whole lot bigger, they again grew on today's walk. I stopped a few times to slather them up with Vaseline, and it did seem to keep them from getting a lot bigger. Today was supposed to be just another 3 mile walk, but it was only another mile to walk to Fit 2 Run where I bought my second pair of shoes. The guy who I bought the shoes from was there, and I showed him the little buggers. He re-laced my shoes so that hopefully my heels will be more secure, and not slip so much. He really thought that it was just that since I was only skipping every other day walking that the blisters I got from the asics were just getting enough friction to keep them from getting better. He also showed me a second skin blister kit, and I used it to bandage my boo-boos. I have tried covering them with moleskin, and corn doughnuts, and band-aid blister pads, but my feet sweat so darn much that they just fall off. Lets hope the adhesive on the second skin is stronger, and a bit more water resistant (yuck). I did however not have ANY shin ache today at work or while walking! I think maybe my legs just needed to get used to being active again. I was also really worried about being cold since it was only in the low 40's, but my nice new pants, and the great jacket mom helped me sew were just right. All blisters aside it was a pretty nice walk. I had no problems at all walking an extra mile. I am really surprised at how well my body has reacted to all this exercise. It has to be in total shock going from zero activity to walking 10 miles in a week. Yippee 10 miles, only another 7 or 800 more to go.....

Recovery...

Ugh, thank goodness for these rest days in between. I dug out the heating pad last night and saw tons of improvment on the muscle aches I was having in my shins. Unfortunatly the blister that started on my heel on Sunday has indeed grown. Hopefully tommorows walk won't make it any worse. While I did cover it with moleskin on tuesday when I walked my feet sweat so much it just came off. I'm not sure what I will try to keep it from getting worse tommorow. I am doing everything I should to prevent the blisters, but they still seem to be rearing their ugly heads. I wore fancy wicking socks that had no cotton in them, I got good fitting shoes that were nice and meshy. I even bought bodyglide and smeared it on my feet. Damn blisters! I will conqure you!!!!! Hopefully tommorow's walk won't turn me into a popsicle, it is supposed to be unusually cold.

Training week 1 day 2

Well, I decided that I needed to look into my shoe issue after I developed blisters so quickly, and was able to find a nice pair of Adidas shoes in a wide size. They seem to be a much better fit! Today was my second day of walking. It wasn't nearly as easy as my first walking day, because the muscles on the outsides of my shins was pretty sore. I managed though to walk through it , and with the help of some good music I started to forget the aching. I walked another 3 miles in an hour. Unfortunately one of the blisters I got from my first pair of shoes got a tiny bit bigger. I didn't put anything on it before I set out because it wasn't really bothering me, and since I had better fitting shoes, and nice fancy socks I didn't think it would be necessary. I did also get a new small blister between my toes. Hopefully I will be able to deal with these blister issues quickly and not have that problem for long. There was a woman at the shoe store that went so far as to promise me that I would get them during the walk. That however just made me more determined NOT to get one! I have 9 months to prepare, and figure out how to avoid the blisters, and I fully intend on doing it. Tomorrow is another rest day, and I am supposed to walk another 3 miles on Thursday, hopefully my shins will be feeling better and I won't have to skip out. Thank you all for your sweet words of encouragement, it really helps to keep me up and going. And if you have ANY tips please let me know, I can take all the advice I can get!

Training

I registered for the breast cancer 3-day in Tampa this year! I even got a new pair of tennies and started training today. I was lucky enough to find some nice asics gel-frantic 3 shoes on clearance at Kohls. Now I just need to hunt down a second pair. Sunday this week was a 3 mile walk in 1 hour. When I set out it was more of an experiment than anything, because I wasn't sure if I would be able to walk that far, let alone walk that far in an hour. It was surprisingly easy though. I didn't really have any troubles with the pace or the distance. Hopefully I won't be changing my tune in the morning! I guess just because I am fully padded that doesn't mean that I'm not able to haul all this weight around. Hopefully all this walking and training will help me shed a lot of the extra pounds I have added on. I did however develop a few small blisters that I will have to deal with before I push myself too far. From what I have heard blisters are the mortal enemy of the 3-day walker. Hopefully I will get my battles with the blisters over with before October. If any of my dear blogging friends out there would be willing to donate towards my $2300.00 goal I will be forever grateful!!! Just visit the link in my sidebar, and follow the directions from there.

the good things

Yummy cheap pink champagne,

A warm bed, laptop, jeans, music and bloggie friends,

this is a great way to relax after a long day at work!

It is the little things in life that make it complete.

My top 10 good things. (in no particular order)

1. Sushi.

2. Blue Jeans.

3. Opals.

4. My sweet animals, Charlie, Shelbie, Sunny, and Harry

5. Health.

6. The other half to my whole, John (monkey).

7. Good friends like Michele, Liz, and Kate.

8. Music.

9. Family.

10. Faith in God.

I started ANOTHER new craft project, naughty naughty!

Just a sneak peak at a project I am working on. Any idea what these are??????

I wish I lived in Arkansas...(warning pic heavy post!)

Here are a few pictures we took on our trip to Arkansas 2 weeks ago.....

This was taken inside Blanchard Springs Caverns. If I remember correctly these are called ribbon formations.

This is also in the caverns, these formations contain large amounts of calcite, which makes them sparkly and snowy looking.

This was probably our favorite formation, they call it the battleship can you see why?

This is in Cotter, not far from where most of my family lives, I believe this is part of the White River.

Bull Shoals dam.

We rode on a ferry in Peel over part of Bull Shoals lake.

Then we drove to Missouri with my cousin, her husband and Daughter and paid money to have rolls thrown at us! Monkey was really excited to eat here because he had seen this place on a show on the travel channel!

And of course, being the good rednecks we are we just HAD to go see the first, and biggest Bass Pro Shops in the world. This place was unbelievable! (we also visited the Bass Pro in Branson Missouri, but my cousins assured us it was NOTHING compared to this one. Wow they weren't kidding!)

Arkansas is such a beautiful state. There is so much history, and beautiful county there to explore. If I could ever convince my parents to pack up and go back with me, I would be there in a heartbeat. You can take a girl out of the country, but you can't take the country out of the girl!

Just another manic Monday......

I don't usually mind Mondays, don't get me wrong I don't really look forward to them, but off all the days of the week, I like it more than most. If I could have erased the start to this week though, I would have puled out the biggest pink pearl eraser I could find. It was hectic, it was sad, it made my whole body ache. I knew last Friday that it wasn't going to be pleasant. I got wind of some not so good news that I knew was going to rear it's nasty little head today,and the fact that I knew it was going to happen, and I had no way to help, or warn the person whom it would affect ate at me all weekend. To make it short, one of the tellers that I work with had a shortage a few weeks back that we were never able to locate. It was, unfortunately of a decent amount. We all are certain that she did NOT take the money for her own personal gain. But since the company we work for recently merged with another, and all the suits higher up are worried about their OWN jobs, they came down hard. Too hard. This beautiful young girl who has two young children, and an ex that provides her with not even the smallest sliver of help. She is also doing her darnedest to go to school at night to become a crime scene technician, and get good grades. Now she has no job. It was much more difficult for me to work today when I felt I was working under immoral, unethical people. I fully understand that banks cannot just take losses and not do anything about it. This situation had me so upset for a number of reasons though. There is of course the most obvious one that this poor woman has two kids, no job, and no help. But that there was another teller working there about a year ago that had a terrible attitude, and because she did not follow our policies lost the bank 4 times as much money. She did not get fired until the third instance of the same issue. This was the first time this teller had been out a large amount. Normally she has a near-flawless balancing record. I also don't feel that they gave enough time to locate the outage. I wonder if mister high-and-mighty Napoleon in his fancy window office has ever known what it is like to struggle, probably not.....I will get off my soapbox now.

I do however, have better news to announce. I have decided to walk in the breast cancer 3-day in October this year. I have thought about it for a few years now, but I was so worried about being able to raise the $2300 that they require you donate to walk. But when I found out that the last day of the walk was my sister's wedding anniversary I took it to be a sign, and decided that this was the year to go for it. While she did not have breast cancer, I figure it is a great cause, and if they can manage to find a cure for breast cancer it is a great stride in curing ALL cancers, even the one Angie had. I'll be completely honest though, the thought of walking 3 days straight, and raising such a large sum of money scares the bejesus out of me! I will be setting up a link on my blog where my bloggie friends can help me towards my goal, and just be warned, I will be planning on pestering you for donations! I've got a long way to go, and I need EVERYONE'S help. Also check out Angie's best friend Kate's blog Going The Distance. She is competing in a triathlon this year in memory of my sister also, and I know she needs donations as much as I do.

I hope to have some of the pictures I took in Arkansas uploaded tomorrow to share with you, there just wasn't time to get them loaded today. I told you it was a Manic Monday

On the road again

I begin this post far too early in the Tampa airport. I had to get up at 3am to get here on time so please bear with me if this post is fragmented. It is only a very rare occasion that I am up before the sun rises, or even shortly after it rises. I am NOT a morning person. I never really have been either. My sister used to have to fight and fight to get me up for school. Poor monkey calls me the grizzly in the morning. All of my coworkers know just to leave me be until I am fully awake. I wish it was the sort of thing I could fix. I can wake up and know that I am in a foul mood, but there isn't a thing I can do about it. I try to just keep my mouth clamped until I know I won't bite someone's head off. What exactly determines if you are a morning person or a night owl? Is it some sort of engrained genetic thing? Everyone I know in my family has no issues with the AM They can get up, make breakfast, spend 45 minutes getting ready, and all the while be sweet as pie. I, on the other hand wait until the very last second before I have to get up, throw on my clothes which I laid out the night before so that I did not have to waste time picking things out, and fly out the door. No breakfast, no coffee, just me, and my stinky attitude. Hopefully once I get on this stinking plane, I can cuddle up in my window seat, watch Juno, and take a nice nap. That is doubtful though......

I love these...

I have fallen head over heels for Pashmina scarves. I had a very pretty fox orange one for at least 4 years that I probably only wore one time up until this year. While at church I met another woman wearing the most beautiful cream one, and it looked absolutely divine. At that moment I decided to start wearing mine at every opportunity. My sister was also fond of scarves, and it reminds me of her, and makes me feel closer to her. There is something so elegant and regal about them. It is nice that they are thin enough I can wear them in the heat here in Florida, but if it is a bit cold they still actually provide a nice bit of warmth without having to dig out a coat. Although mine are not "real" pashmina's like these I love them nonetheless. My one pashie has now multiplied into 3 and there is one more that I saw at Target the other evening that I fully intend on nabbing when I go to get some more of my favorite shampoo. I love them just as much as I do trench coats, and these great feather hairpins. I have gained the confidence to wear my trench coats, and scarves, but I haven't yet been brave enough to make myself a feather hairpin and wear it. They are a very bold statement, and I am just not used to bringing attention to myself. At least I have taken the step out of my comfort zone and started. Maybe someday I will have the self esteem to wear something that bold.

I hate packing.

I don't like a single thing about packing. I hate that feeling that I may be forgetting something. I hate having the compulsive urge to unpack, and repack my bag because I don't know if I have put everything I wanted to bring in my bag. I hate having to worry if my shampoo is going to explode in my bag spewing that expensive eight-dollar liquid all over my clothes. I am headed up to Arkansas to spend some much needed time with my family. The weather up there is about 40 to 50 degrees different than this hellishly warm climate. I have lived in Florida for as long as I can remember, and I am ill-equiped in the winter clothing department. Not only do I have to worry that I am bringing everything I (and monkey) need, but I have to make sure that it will all fit into my bag, and still weigh under 50 pounds! I am sure I will forget something, I always do. Monkey is totaly at ease with the whole thing, I think so long as he gets up there with a pair of pants and a shirt he will be happy. Cold, but happy. He is a true Florida native, and he is going to FREEZE. (unless I can find a way to cram a space heater into my luggage...)

UGH I hate packing!!!!!

I think if I had pretty pink and brown toile luggage like this from Luggage Loft it wouldn't seem so bad though....